Truth or Dare Cullen Style
by Claire107
Summary: A random sunny day at the Cullen house suddenly turns not-so-boring...
1. Chapter 1

AN: REVIEW PLEASE

_**AN: **__**REVIEW PLEASE!!**__** Constructional criticism is good but don't be mean. If you hate Twilight I don't care you shouldn't be reading this story if you do.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight at all or else I would be rich and be spending time in Hawaii, not on this site.**_

_**CHAPTER 1**_

_**What happens when 1 human and 5 vampires are cooped up together and feel like shit?**_

_**Random insanity…**_

_**(cue ominous music)**_

Bella, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Edward were sitting in the living room. They had been watching a gossip girl marathon for the past 5 hrs because it was sunny outside (and you know, sparkly vampires…) and even Alice was getting bored. Alice and bored _do not_ mix.

Suddenly Alice and Rosalie jumped up at the same time and started holding hands and squealing

Bella-"Ummm wtf?"

Edward-"That a stupid idea" He shrugs nonchalantly

Bella-"Not everyone is a mind reader Edward! Now tell-"

Bella is cut off by a growl. Alice has stopped jumping for joy and tries to attack on Edward instead but Edward and beheads Alice with a loud screech.

Rosalie walks out of the room annoyed by Bella's very _human_ presence

_Stupid human girl. Always stealing the attention! __**BEEP**__ her and her "endearing" clumsy shit why do all the boys think __she's__ prettier then me? I ought to-_

Edward-"Don't even think about trying out your fantasies Rosalie"

Emmett-"I'll be a part of your fantasies Rosalie" He gets up and follows her out

Edward-"My mind is befouled!" He falls to the ground writhing

Jasper:-"Hey Edward thanks for beheading my girlfriend"

Edward-"S-S-Sorry" He tries to talk through the pain of watching Emmett think of fantasies involving Rosalie

Jasper-"No seriously she's as annoying as…as a werewolf!"

A second later Alice hands that were groping the floor finally found her head but she threw it at Jasper instead knocking _another_ hole in the wall.

Jasper-"I'm Kidding! Jeez…"

_Not…_

Edward grins

Alice(while reattaching her head)-"Well I'm sorry but here we are all feeling like shit and Rosalie and I come up with a wonderful plan and Edward and you mock me. Oh Bella! Are you sure you want a part of this craziness?"

Alice runs over to Bella and puts her head in her lap faking tears. Bella glares at Edward and Jasper

Bella-"Jacob would never have done that"

Edward stops writhing and sighs exasperatedly

Edward-"Sorry love" He walks over and kisses Bella's forehead. Emmett was concentrating on his X-Box now because Rosalie was in to bad a mood to make out with him. Yet.

_I wish she would shut the vampire up about stupid Jacob Black! Maybe I could "accidentally" eat him when he is in wolf form. Yuck! It would be worth it though…_

Alice-"Wouldn't be a good idea Eddie-kins"

Edward-"I'll behead you again if you call me Eddie-kins"

Alice-"Eddie-kins, Eddie-kins" Alice runs full out around the room and Edward chases her, pushed past his limit with Jasper acting like this entire scene was utterly boring.

Bella stands up to her full height but then trips and knocks over Esme's favorite vase

Bella-"STOP RIGHT NOW!" Turns to Edward "Edward don't be such a 2 year old" Turns to Alice "Please tell us what this plan is before something else happens! And

Edward-"Fine. Rosalie and Emmett heard you Bella so there coming down now"

_Bella looks so beautiful when she takes charge…_

Emmett walks in the room with Rosalie

_I wish Rosalie was in a better mood… Oh look Eddie-kins is being owned by his girlfriend_

_What is that fool human girl doing now?_ Rosalie was bitchy mood (_big surprise_ there)

Edward glared at them and Emmett shifted guiltily

Alice-"So me and Rosalie-"

Rosalie-"You mean me"

Alice-"LET ME FREAKING TALK FOR CARLISLE'SAKE!!" The room immediately falls silent shocked. A large farting noise reverberated through the room. Everyone (even Alice) looked at Emmett who had just sat on the couch, right next Jasper, on a whoopee cushion that had "mysteriously" appeared.

The whole room burst out laughing and Emmett glared at Jasper who looked at him with "innocent" eyes.

Bella fell out of her chair and hit her head because she was laughing so hard at the look on Jasper and Emmett's face. Edward was to busy laughing to care and Bella was knocked unconscious.

Then everyone stopped and Edward slapped Bella who woke up dazed. He fretted over her until…

Alice-"EDWARD ANTHONY MASON CULLEN I HATE YOU!! IF YOU DON'T LISTEN RIGHT NOW I'LL BURN THE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR YOU STOLE FROM JOHN LENNON!! AND TELL BELLA ABOUT THE REAL STORY BEHIND YOUR CAMPING TRIP 3 WEEKS AGO!!"

'_Yes, Edward. I would go there. So watch your back. You better sleep with your eyes open Edward Cullen… figuratively' _

Bella-"wtf?"

'_Can't my love say anything else?'_

Edward-"it's nothing…" He looks away

Bella bursts into tears

Edward-"Later okay love? Let's just…er…listen to Alice. NOW." (**AN: Edward has a few skeletons in his closet… muahahahah)**

Bella finally controls herself and wipes away her tears. Rosalie glares at her.

_Holy grizzly bears. Humans are so emotional._

Now that everyone was FINALY attentive Alice looked around at each of there eyes finishing with Bella's and finally makes her announcement in an ominous voice

Alice-"Truth. or. Dare"

The whole room gasps…


	2. Chapter 2

AN:I'm so sorry that it has taken me forever to put up this chapter

_**AN:I'm so sorry that it has taken me forever to put up this chapter! My computer literally broke down about a hundred times…**_

_**Oh and btw, thoughts Edward hears are in italics. I know its not from his point of view but I thought it would be funnier to put it in.**_

_**Disclamier: Uhhh duh. I definitely don't own**_

_**CHAPTER 2**_

The whole room instantly broke out in sound, loudly even for vampires.

Jasper- "Are you insane? ARE YOU EFFING INSANE? Subjecting us to _that _kind of torture again? And people wonder why you were in the Asylum!"

Edward hits Jasper.

Emmett-"Yayyyy! Truth or dare!"

Rosalie-"That's not my idea! I wanted makeovers!"

Edward-"Think of Bella, Alice!"

Alice-"She would have fun! And anyway Rose my idea was better"

_Who gives a vampire about Bella anyway?_

Edward tries to leap on Alice but is held back by Jasper

Jasper-"Stop attacking my girlfriend! Your acting like an overemotional newborn!"

Jasper then uses his powers to calm down the atmosphere.

_Edward, it's easier to kill Alice unexpectedly. I've trying to for a few decades now but she always kno- oh right…_

Edward-"Your stupid"

Bella-"Will someone please explain what is so bad about truth or dare?"

Edward laughed

Edward-"With Alice it is!"

Alice runs over and picks up Bella, trapping her in her arms.

Edward-"Alice what are you doing?"

Alice-"I'm trapping Bella until you play with me"

_Duh. And if you don't Eddie-kins, you know what will happen…_

Bella-You smell better then Edward!"

Edward-"Crap!"

Alice smirks at him

_Haha I win!_

Rosalie- "Are we going to start the game or not?"

_Things go so much faster with out "perfect" little Bella_

Emmett-"I go first! PLEASSSSSSE Alice? I'll never diss your clothes again!"

_This week…_

Alice-"Okay everyone Emmett goes first"

Emmett-"My first dare is for-"

Edward-"No way! Your so sick"

Rosalie-"For Carlisle sake tell me what it is already jeezz not everyone is a mind reader! And that's not just an expression.."

She left the sentence hanging ominously and glared at them

_I'll destroy the damn house Edward I swear I will! Carlisle won't like his beautiful house ruined. _

Edward-"Shut up Rose"

Emmett-"Shut up yourself, Eddie-kins"

_Oh yeah Edward you just got figuratively biatch-slapped!_

Emmett-"Okay so the dare is Edward has to dress up as a stripper, take a pole and go to Mike Newton's house. He will then pole dance for Mike Newton. When hes done he will demand payment and if Mike says no…"

Emmett gives an ominous evil grin

Emmett-"He either has to threaten him or steal his money."

Emmett laughed

_I hope he gets arrested_

Edward-"I'm not you Emmett"

The rest of the room was silent until Bella burst into laughter

Bella-"I can't wait to see Mike face"

Rosalie-"He should consider himself lucky"

_He's so fugly to…_

Jasper-"Umm EW. BIG EW."

_OMG ew ew ew ew… So many disturbing images…_

Jasper shudders

Edward-"Thank your lucky Alice's it's not Emmett"

Bella-"You lying Biatch Rosalie!"

A shocked silence greeted her words

Bella-"You told me you didn't feel that way about Edward!"

Rosalie-"I didn't mean it that way you insecure child"

_She's stupid_

Edward-"She's serious Bells trust me"

Alice snapped her fingers at Emmett

Alice-"Enough with the chit-chat my peeps!"

Mere seconds later Emmett was downstairs with a large bag

Emmett-"These should fit you because there mens"

_And they look hot on me…_

Edward-"y'know what? I don't want to know Emmett."

Jasper-"What about the pole"

Carlisle-"Just take the one out of Esme and mine's room. Duh"

The entire room jumped as though they had received an electric shock, except for Alice and Edward of course

Jasper-"Stop popping up so damn mysteriously it's been annoying me forever!"

_Crap. Why is that literally! _

_I wish I was human…_

Rosalie-"And you guys could give us warning"

She glared at Alice and Jasper

Carisle-"Someones got their panties in a twist"

_Or thong to be more accurate…_

_Talk about whore. Wait crap Edward can hear me! I mean… uhhh… I love my family!_

_Yeah that'll work for my super-vampire image…_

Edward burst into tearless sobs and Bella, the only one that gives a vampire about Edward was looking strangly at Carlisle

Bella-"Why do you have a strip pole in your and Esme's room?"

Carlisle-"No reason…"

_That's definitely censored._

Emmett-"I got the pole!"

He had been gone for about 2 seconds

_You know Rose could use this…_

Edward-"Ugh g-gross"

His voice was shaky as he was consumed with despair

Emmett-"No one asked you to listen"

_Jerk face_

Emmett-"Pull your self together I can't believe it took you this long to figure out Carlisle was evil! And you call yourself a mind reader…"

Emmett threw the clothes at Edward who left the room to put them on but was back in a flash.

The room was dead quiet

Edward-"Well _I thought_ I looked pretty sexy myself."

The whole room burst into laughter

Emmett and Jasper were on the floor in hysterics.

Edward was wearing a super tight short leather black skirt a pair of red stilettos that match with his tube top. The expression was what drove them all to laughter. It was ominous black fury. Emmett wasn't going to get away with this…

Emmett-"He looks like a drag queen!"

_A ugly one… I hope you here this eddie-kins_

As Emmett was tackled by Edward, Jasper was gasping for air. Who knows why considering he was a vampire.

Jasper-"He can never compare to me though. OhMyVampire this is soooo funny!"

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and looked at him.

Everyone-"_Compared_ to you?"

Jasper looked down guilty

Jasper-"It was before I met any of you…with Maria…"

Alice growled

Emmett had picked himself up from the now-ruined wall of the living room and grinned at Edward

Emmett-"Time to go Eddie-kins"

_Mike might fall in love with him! That would make my decade._

Edward-"I don't know why the hell I am doing this but lets go. Oh and Emmett"

Edward grabbed Emmett by the shoulder

Edward-"You.will.pay."

Bella-"Save it for later love"

They all headed out to the car still laughing, with Emmett and Jasper towing Edward at the back, so they could torture (or reward in this case) Mike Newton.


	3. ON HOLD

**ON HOLD**

I'm sorry to have to say this to those who have read this story but I'm putting this story on hold. There are three reasons:

1) I want to focus on my own writing instead of using others stories

2) I'm starting to think that if I were an author I would hate fan fiction

3) My growing dislike of the whole Twilight universe.

I'm very sorry about doing this. Maybe in the future I might finish the story but I definitely don't want to now.


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